Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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