don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
