i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
