your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
