She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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