Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
