Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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