so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize