erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
