Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The ass gains better be worth it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
