he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
3pm strippers are depressing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
