He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
