I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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