there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
