We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
