remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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