I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
