??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
