I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
