i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
