PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He did a backflip because drugs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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