i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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