I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize