So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He passed out mid-signature
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
