I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you win again, gameday.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
