i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
