Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
