you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
