Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize