I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
