Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
