I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
