his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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