Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
