haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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