I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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