are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
