is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
