just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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