I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
