you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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