no, he came in my armpit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
