she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
