I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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