Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
too bad you live with your parents still
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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