haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
