i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
