Swine flu. Run for my life!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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