She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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