So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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