Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
