Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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