I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
