just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
