I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
