There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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