Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
