Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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